Trump Off The Rails: Day 9

Thursday, October 3, 2019

Wearing a smashing pair of "Hello Kitty" slippers (because his feet were swollen after yesterday's all-day tempter tantrum and feet stamping), Trump broke into a refrain of "Fools Rush In Where Angels Fear To Tread" before publicly urging China to investigate the Bidens. And, if China can't find anything either, he'll hold his breath until the stock market recovers the 800 points it shaved off in two days of watching him march around in his new amusement park, "Tump Unravel World." 

Tim Cook, Apple's CEO, announced Apple employs 443 Dreamers in 36 states, "Dreamers embody Apple's innovation strategy. They come from diverse backgrounds and display a wide range of skills and experiences that equip them to tackle problems from different perspectives." In response, Trump announced Cook will be deported to his home state of Alabama the same day as the Dreamers are deported. 

Later, Trump served up Mitch McConnell as having said Trump's Ukrainian call was "the most innocent call." McConnell used his favorite TV show "Different Strokes" to answer, "What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" 

And in a story equally bizarre to Rudy Giuliani delivering debunked Biden propaganda to Sec of State Pompeo, who hot-potatoed it to the IG, who hit the panic button -- equally bizarre as all that -- was the news release that a real live, honest-to-god, degreed physicist has concluded that 100 million years ago an advanced alien civilization planted technology to keep an eye on Earth. Look for confirmation from Giuliani's office the technology has been found in Ukraine and if you look very closely at it, you can see the logo of Hunter Biden's company. 
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Stand fast. But smile.